Someone asked me about greasers and so I went through my old favorite artists to point them out. In my search, I came across a commissioner of mine and his latest icon was adorable. I left a comment about how cute it was and asking who drew it. His response:
I made my icon. Also, I’m a real life actual Jewish person and I’d actually appreciate it if you didn’t comment on my page again. Your icon and page subject matter is incredibly offensive to me. Thanks.
I’m getting sick and tired of this asshole treatment. I’m sick of researching day and night about the Resistance and trying to paint all sides of a picture to get others to see each other as HUMAN individuals, not as monsters, only to be painted as some fucking fascist skinhead.
I can’t take it anymore. If anyone really knew what I went through, and why I write what I do. Yes, I admit I draw some silly things involving my characters, and I have a crass sense of humor at times, but the depths of my heart speaks so much more. I write because of the idea of redemption and grace is so important to me. If I wasn’t writing about the Nazi regime, I’d be writing about criminals. The people no one wants to love, because they’re “too far gone,” the people that others say don’t deserve a chance. The people that the world hates and scorns, and the kind that even most Christians believe “can’t be saved.” I write about them because I believe in grace for those who look for it. I am about writing all 360 degrees of human nature because I’m so sick of people that only see in black and white because I am at the butt end of such thinking all the time.
I’m a fucking mutt with no culture or heritage of my own. I’ve been to Poland where I wanted to further my research about a country who is so underplayed and under appreciated in war stories, only to find that I am outcasted by the country itself. Don’t get me wrong, I love Poland and I loved my trip, but there were things that I never talked about until now because I tried to bottle it up for so long but that person’s comment broke me. The looks I get from the people in Poland were similar to the ones I get all the time in my OWN country. Looks of alienation; the look of NOT looking, NOT receiving eyecontact, being looked over or looked around. People who literally refuse to shake my hand, or wince or make faces before they manage to give a limp-wristed shake without bothering to introduce themselves. I got this treatment in Poland, and I got this treatment in my own country at the accordion club. Why??
Because I’m not white.
I’m HALF Scottish, but does it matter? No. My skin is tan and my hair is black. I’m not white. I have my white father’s eyes and his features, but people call me “exotic” or the backhanded compliment of “You look so asian.” I don’t WANT to be asian or exotic like some fucking bananatree-climbing native. I’m a fucking individual. A human. White people get to be “just people” but me? I don’t get a name. I don’t even get eye contact or a handshake, because I’m half Filipino. But I’m not accepted fully accepted there either because I’m American. Because I don’t speak ‘my own’ language.
The truth is, I don’t have a heritage. I don’t have a nationality, a race. I’m a fucking mutt with no history of my own to be proud of, so instead I sit here and I research and study and reenact and involve myself in the culture of people… who don’t even accept me.
So I’m a Nazi fascist, right? I draw Nazis, so clearly I’m some Jew-hating white male privileged asshole. Yeah. that’s all I am. Assume away.
I’ll continue to write about people so hated, so unloveable, so ‘far gone,’ that no one would give a second thought about if they were human or not. Maybe because those are the only kinds of people I can truly relate to.
I’ve always thought your stories about the Nazi regime were just a peek at the humanity behind so called monsters. You never validate what they did by any stretch of the imagination, and often present them as loathsome, horribly flawed people in their own right- you just focus on THEIR pov. It’s so easy to demonize an entire group of people who got swept up in propaganda & societal pressures, and I admire that you choose not to, and just how much effort, research, and sympathy you put into your characters from both sides of the war.
I’m also so sorry to hear your troubles as a WOC. It’s terrible the kind of society we live in where you have to pass requirements like language or skin color, to be accepted. It’s not fair. You don’t deserve it. But people will be people and unfortunately empathy and benefit of the doubt is so undervalued in this world. I wish you the best- your friends know you’re no crazy neo-nazi skinhead but a sensitive, brilliant storyteller with oppression all her own to deal with.